Thought of doing my take on zombie survival tips.
Hehe.. just finished wathcing 28 Weeks Later. Been meaning to watch this since it came out a year ago. I really liked the first movie, 28 Days Later.
It’s a real refreshing take on the zombie movie. No slow walking, afraid of the sunshine, slow reacting virus here. It’s chaotic, frenzied, and spastic. My kind of zombie. I wonder what the Philippine equivalent of a zombie is?
Anyway, just in case we do get a zombie outbreak, here are a few of my survival rules:
1. Lose your sense of humor. Usually, the funny guy dies the most gruesome death after making a real corny joke before opening a door.
2. Never stay with the funny guy, you’re usually next.
3. Never open closed doors. Never ever. If you’re curious about what’s on the other side, let the funny guy open it. But then again, you’re violating rule number 2.
4. Avoid groups. The odds of you dying are higher in a group. At the end of a zombie movie, there’s only two people left, max. Try and stick with that number early on.
5. If you plan to stick in one place, don’t get a wooden house. Get a house with bars and made with bricks. Remember the Three Little Pigs.
6. If you are in a group (which I told you not to be), don’t be the minority or the ethnic guy. You’re sure to be dinner. Try and stay with your own race and color and get one who would be the minority in your group. At least there’s a chance he’d croak first before you.
7. Don’t end up the guardian of a kid. Specially if there’s only 2 of you and the kid’s a girl. Just shake hands and part ways. It’s a shoo in that you would die to protect her.
8. Guns are ok. But never never carry a grenade or even reach out for one. It just means you’re setting up yourself for a “blow up the zombies with me” scene.
9. Water. Lots of water. Early on, try and get a backpack with a Camel Bak. It’s easier. Raid a 7-11. Get food. Avoid chips. It just makes you a lot more thirsty. But I just can’t avoid those pringles.. ugh.
10. Break up with your girl/guy. No serious couples ever survive a zombie attack ever.
11. Don’t ever talk during the whole outbreak or at least keep your minimum conversation to 10 words a day. The person with the least dialogue usually is the one who survives in these movies.
12. Never carry more than one gun. If you do, that means you’re slated to die. And not just die normally, you’d be in a bunker shooting a whole army of em before they all converge on you.
13. When you hear a knock on the door or a sound, just go the opposite way. Check rule number 3.
14. If you hear a cry for help, do zombie sounds so they’re sure to avoid you.
15. There is no electricity or television during an outbreak. Make sure to grab yourself a PSP and lots of batteries on the nearest vacant electronic shop. Don’t forget the game cartridges.
16. Avoid hospitals or science labs, there’s sure to be a mad scientist there trying to find a cure. 100% percent chance the zombie will escape and the scientist will die. Just wave and tell him you’re voting him in the next Nobel Prize.
17. Don’t ever ever have sex during an outbreak. Doing the tango lying down is a sure sign in the movie that at least one of em will die.
18. Don’t be the buffed guy or the hot girl in the movie. It’s for sure you’ll end up zombie bait. If you are the buff guy or hot girl, not taking your clothes off will lessen your chance of biting the dust by 50%.
If you do get bitten. You’re a goner for sure. Check out my “How to survive as a zombie” guide coming soon.
